At Allan’s birthday dinner there were many speeches, most of them from the heart plus one from dear friend Dean Robinson:
By request …
“Allan 60th Speech
I met him when he was poor – had some bad luck with the stocks – Wivi was dripping in fashion – which seemed a paradox
He never had a penny to spare – cheque was always “in the post” – now he seems to have a few quid – tja, a little more than most
But to be fair to him … he hasn’t changed … still doing completely fuck all … he hasn’t done an honest day … since he was 6 feet tall
Simply swans around his empire … a lord & master like Kim Jong-un
Dickens would call him “prosperous” … our wonderful host … Allan
Chairman of the Rugby club, a keen interest in young men in shorts
Always first in to the showers … and the very last one out … according to our reports
But he spares no coin to run the club – ever his fathers son
Exiles winning for 50 years … thanks to our wonderful host … Allan
He’s not famous for brains or even good looks
Never ties his shoes & never ever cooks
Rugby shirt & joggers, thinking he’s number one
A little better dressed tonight … our wonderful host … Allan
Lives at Näsby – for over 20 years – the annual spend on builders … bringing most of us to tears
New rooms here, a new deck there .. Half of Eastern Europe on the site … Allan skinny dipping in the pool … giving them all a fright
Causing chaos in the alps – with their new Versaille 2.0 – hiring half the confused village folk … just to shovel snow
Unclear when they’ll finish – still mixing concrete by the tonne
Bon Chance to you Wivi … and our wonderful host … Allan
20 years of married bliss to the effervescent Wivi … who tolerates our man … by breakfasting … with Chablis
But if you listen to Allan – which we are often forced to do … She spends all day on the couch … whilst dreaming of Jimmy Choo
What a pair – we love you – always at DefCon 1 – you’re both mad as hatters … but you’ll never be outdone
Unclear what she see’s in him … our wonderful host … Allan
Perhaps a bit more serious now, Allan is the brother I could have had – to have grown up together …
– sadly, I was never able to torment Allan …. the way I did to my real brother …
I did look at adoption … trying to get in on this whole Mabon scam … seems they had enough drifters already (Hi Hamish … Hi Hunter …)
I suspect being English didn’t help …
Anyway, unlike families, they say you can choose your friends … and I choose Allan – I am proud to call Allan my friend
Many great qualities … always there for you, never gossips behind your back, generous … well, as much as a Scotsman can be … and much, much more …
Allan – we all love you – and hope you haven’t taken affront – when we wish you Happy Birthday … you lovely, lovely …. man
Thank you for your hospitality, thank you for your friendship, truly second to none
Raise your glasses to the old fart … to our wonderful host … Allan !”